An Apology Letter to my Vagina

Dear my vagina,

 

I've disregarded you

I've silenced you

I've shut down, turned away and disconnected from you

 

I know I didn't listen

I know I didn't care for you

Protect you

Nuture you

Love you.

 

I didn't know how.

They didn't know how.

Sometimes I still don't know how.

 

I'm scared of you. You hold so much.

I can't bare it.

Pain.

 

Sometimes you make me realise things I don't want to know

Sometimes you make me feel like I can't live up to your needs

Sometimes you can be so powerful I can't breathe

Sometimes you make me feel powerless. And other times you are powerless over me.

 

Why do you say yes when I feel no?

Why do I say yes when you feel no? 

Why can't we agree?

 

I'm sorry I've rushed you.

Not honoured you.

Even when I know better.

 

I'm sorry I still let things in when you don't want them. 

I'm sorry I haven't developed the ears to hear to you

I'm sorry I haven't built the courage to listen to you

I'm sorry I haven't cultivated enough self worth to know that you deserve better.

Better. than. that. fucking. man.

 

I'm so sorry.

I didn't protect you.

And I let you 

be taken 

by anyone.

 

I'm guilty.

I'm still, guilty.