The mindset shift that changed my life, chilled me out and brought me greater success.
I used to really trip myself up when it came to my 'better life' attempts in the past. This is because I was starting with the cloudy belief that if I lost those kilos, got a man to love me, got in with the cool girls or had a fruitful business, only then we would I be perfect, loveable, successful, SUNNY. Only then would I be... (fill in the gap) enough.
But then I saw the light. I think it's high time for a FULL 180 degree, reverse catapult backflip on the mindset of trying to transform from a place of "I'm not good enough therefore I need to change" to "I am amazing, clouds n' all and I deserve the best for myself".
Then we switch from an "I can't" mentality to an "I can" mentality. For example: "I can't have that cookie" to "I can have that cookie but I don't want to". It's not about saying no it's about saying yes.
We can't force clouds to go away and we can't run away from clouds. I tried! It's exhausting. How many times have you gone on a diet or tried to replace cloudiness with sunshine only to find that a bigger storm starts to brew and all of a sudden your back to old habits?
So how does one do this, cloud awareness stuff.
Two words: SELF LOVE
Or I like to use the three word version: RADICAL SELF LOVE
DUH! Seems really obvious right? But is it? I used to want to wail in the face of anyone who ever tried to tell me to "just love yourself". JUST, love yourself. If only it were that easy right? What even is self love and how on earth does one embody such a thing? I'll be sharing an abundance of self love nuggets with you moving forward but if you would like to take your first baby step now then click here.
"It's not about fat or thin, it's about managing thoughts and how you want to experience the world" Lisa Garr.
Clouds are a part of everyones weather system. Get to know your clouds. Where do your clouds come from? Once we accept and genuinely love these inherit parts of ourselves then we start to strengthen our choice muscles! Then we are truly empowered and strong enough to choose the sun instead of collapsing into clouds.
Once I starting adopting more self love into my life I naturally made better food choices. Everything seemed to flow effortlessly and I starting attracting healthy abundance in my business and relationships. Crazy, no?!
Start where you are. Clouds are cool anyway.
Let's face facts, you and I both know what it's like living a fast paced lifestyle with that burning desire to succeed and achieve. We throw ourselves in the pressure cooker and live under the expectation that we have to tick all of the boxes, afford all the things, and have it all by tomorrow.
Lately I've been feeling all sorts of unbalance, and I recognise this now because I start to loose the connection to myself and whats important to me. My creativity dulls, I feel less inspired. I don't move my body with same vigor and vitality. My mental health weakens and I become more vulnerable to mean mind chatter, my relationships are effected and so is my spiritual and sexual wellbeing - not cool.
This a direct result of my non-stop pushing, striving, doing and 'making it happen' attitude and actions. Don't get me wrong, I love that I'm ambitious and driven, it's an innate part of myself that I love and admire, but it can also be a detriment to my health. There's a place for drive and this is about learning when to let go when to hustle.
Do you know the feeling? Here are some tell-tale signs that your pushing too hard and consequently disconnecting from your ultimate power source which is yourself;
1: Always on the go - This is when you know your in the danger zone. "I have to go here, then coffee over there, then that meeting with so-and-so then drinks for so-and-so, oh and I have to get do this one thing by tonight or else the world could possibly come to an end and my soul will combust and go to hell for all of eternity". G I R L F R I E N D. If your constantly zipping around from one place to another non-stop then it is seriously time to take a chill pill.
2: You use the word "busy" like it's fashionable - If there is only one thing that you get from this post, please dear GOD let it be that you drop the word "busy" from your vocabulary from now until forevermore. If need be, there is an alternative... Using the words "full schedule" instead opens the doorway for assessment. How much of your busyness is even essential? What can you crowd out (mind numbing social media scrolling for example) and replace with soul nourishing activities instead (moving your body, nature expeditions, love making, walking around the house in your favourite pair of fluffy penguin socks). In order to acquire that 'hustling in harmony' balance it is ESSENTIAL to block out "you time". You can literally do this on your iPhone calendar or circle it, highlight it and put glitter all over it in your diary. DO NOT let shame or guilt get in the way of this. You are worthy, it is your birth right and you deserve it, I am handing you a virtual permission slip as we speak. Period.
3: You no longer, or barely do the things you truly love - I've given up so many of my most cherished hobbies over the years. For a mixture of reasons. One was because I let the self doubt, fear and mean mind chatter rule my life, but also because I became too 'busy' for them (see, it really is a nasty word). Really what this meant was that I was either at a job that was draining my soul, constantly exhausted by my engagement with relationships that weren't serving me or, I was drunk. Sound familiar? Maybe you have your own reasons but rediscovering those creative, fun things that truly light us up on the inside (I'm not just talking retail therapy here ladies!) is key to any kind of self care, self love, you time, call it what you want girlfriend.
4: You've actually forgotten what those things are - What fills you up with warm fuzzies? What lights your fire? What warms your cockles? What do you really, really love? What did you love doing when you were at primary school? Sometimes we forget but also sometimes we have to completely rediscover! Experiment with new things, nothing wrong with a bit of trial and error. Do a heart-storm and write yourself a menu of soul nourishing activities. When I fist started on my path to wellness I had absolutely no idea what to do with myself in the clear, bright daylight of sobriety. I distinctly remember going to a live jazz bar one evening, solo and geared up on mineral water in the hopes that maybe I would spark my life's calling of a sophisticated, well cultured jazz enthusiast and connoisseur. Turns out, that is definitely not the case! It was a nice evening none the less.
4: Your yearning for change - Whether it's just in one region of your life or an entire makeover, wanting to be a better version of yourself and being aware of this desire is a sure sign that you need to take action. Easier said than done I know! Change isn't always easy. Check out Getting Diggity Down with Change for some epic motivation in the change arena.
5: Your suffering - Not all awakenings come from a place of crisis but if your feeling depressed, anxious, restless, frustrated, sad, angry or generally just living 'down in the dumps' then that is your body, your heart, your soul, your intuition, your higher power - whatever- screaming, shouting, YELLING at you for attention. It's time to listen.
Going inward, and reconnecting with yourself takes courage and is a life long journey. This kind of work can get deep and dirty and it doesn't hurt to seek a bit guidance. Hopefully I can be assistance but there are many other amazing resources out there too. For now I want to share some actionable steps that you can incorporate into your daily life today, or why the hell not you can even start them right now!
1: Take a look at your 'full schedule' and make space for "you time". Your gonna love it, honestly!
2: Mindfulness - I bark on about this all the time. Mindfulness is about becoming aware of your mind, mindfulness is especially useful if your mean mind chatter is LOUD like mine. You know those voices that say things like "your never going to be good enough to do that, your not smart enough, no one likes you, your fat, your not talented enough". Well becoming mindful is like becoming a WFC world champion against all that silly talk. Check in with yourself. Check in with your surroundings. Check out my Instagram for frequent mindful reminders =P
3: MEDITATION - I bark on about this even more! While mindfulness is about becoming aware of the mind, meditation is about stilling the mind. Not silencing the mind! That will never happen. We did not grow up in an ashram mediating all day deep in the himalayan mountains. There are countless mediation resources out there but a great one to get you started for now is Headspace Great introduction to mediation and specifically designed for 'full scheduled' modern folk like us.
4: Nourish - I don't just mean with food, although that is important as well. Our relationships, sexual health, and career all contribute to our health. Make it a priority to schedule in enough time for these soul foods as well.
5: Be gentle - BEAUTIFUL LADY. This is all a process, it takes time & trial and error. There's no point putting even more pressure on ourselves in our pursuit of 'inner peace'. That is completely defeating the entire purpose of learning to hustle in harmony. Be kind to yourself. Don't judge yourself. If you slip up, forget to meditate for a day, or a week, let it be a soft reminder for you to get back on track. No punishment needed. #progressnotperfection.
I'm officially making it my business to marry ease & grace with my forward life force. I love my ambition and I look forward to seeing where it can take me, especially when I have a happy, healthy version of my self in the drivers seat.
By the way I'd love to hear from you! Sharing is caring, let me know What's on your soul-storm in the comment section below and inspire the tribe with your awesomeness.
Seem as how it's autumn here I though what better time to have a good ol' chat about... drum roll please... CHANGE. Or more even, not changing. The resistance of change. The stigma that can be around change, not only from your peers (or at least that's what you think) but mostly with your self.
Well Can I just say, that it's time to get diggity down with change! Now lets be clear, I'm not talking about superficial change. You can dye your hair, lose 100 kilos, move cities, move continents, buy the latest fashion, get a new boyfriend, get.. all this new stuff but guess what, YOUR STILL THE SAME. Darn it!
I'm talking about real change, lasting change, that 'inner change' people always bark on about. That is where the real magic happens but it is by no means the easiest to acquire.
Sometimes what holds us back from doing what we really want in life is the worry of what other people will think of us. And sure, you might cop a bit of slack from friends if you decide to drink a water instead of vodka. You might get a raised eyebrow when you tell someone your new audacious goal for world domination. But what really stops us from change is what we tell ourselves. YEP, it's all you partner!
You know those 'crazy' people who walk around saying things/yelling things to themselves? Well, we are all those people. Except we just don't say them out loud.
How often do you have an idea for something that you want and KNOW will make you feel amazing, at first your excited, it feels great, but slowly slowly your inner dialogue convinces you that you can't. "Your not smart enough, your not pretty enough, your not good enough" and yada yada. It's like our inner tormentor is just sitting there on his/her throne, armoured up and waiting to attack on every good idea you have for positive change.
I was holding onto an old dream once and was too stubborn and headstrong to listen to myself and accept that it wasn't right for me. I held on so tight, for so long in pursuit of what I thought, and what I thought everyone around me thought, I SHOULD be doing. I end this made me extremely sick, mentally and physically.
We need to allow ourselves, give ourselves the permission to change even if we feel like we are letting ourselves down or like we are a failure. If you've been studying your whole life to a neurosurgeon but at the last minute decide you want to work four days a week as a psychiatrist at a mental institution because it makes YOU happy. Then that's cool! If your childhood dream was to become a supermodel and make it in NYC, but you get there and decide you'd rather go meditate in India because that's what makes YOU happy, then that's cool too! Let's raise a toast and say that change is freaking awesome, instead of letting our ego and inner torturess punish us.
If you wake up tomorrow and decide that you want to become a christmas tree decorator, a golf ball diver or a life guard at a nude beach because it makes YOU so happy that you could burst like a pinata. Then that is totally cool.
Your are allowed to change. And then your allowed to change again. And again! Tell yourself that you are allowed to change. Out-loud, like the crazies! No matter how long you've been going down a certain path, if it's not serving you anymore you can always turn around. It's toootally cool.